Helping Others Can Help Anxiety
- Apr 13
- 4 min read
Updated: Apr 20
A Therapist’s Perspective on Anxiety and Connection
There’s something I’ve noticed over and over again in therapy: When people feel anxious, their world often gets smaller. They withdraw a bit. They get stuck in their own thoughts. Their focus turns inward, toward worries, “what ifs,” and everything that feels uncertain or overwhelming. And while that response makes sense, it can also unintentionally increase anxiety. So sometimes, one of the most helpful (and surprising) shifts is this: Turning outward. Let’s talk about why helping others can actually help you, too.
What Anxiety Does to Your Focus
Anxiety has a way of pulling your attention inward. You might notice:
Overthinking conversations
Replaying situations
Worrying about future outcomes
Feeling stuck in your own head
It’s like your mind is constantly scanning for problems, and often, those problems feel personal. But when all your attention is focused inward, it can amplify distress. The thoughts get louder, the worries feel bigger, and it becomes harder to get perspective.
The Power of Shifting Outward
Helping someone else, whether in a big or small way, gently interrupts that cycle. It shifts your attention from: “What’s wrong with me?” to “How can I show up for someone else?” That shift can:
Break repetitive thought patterns
Reduce emotional intensity
Create a sense of connection
And connection is one of the most powerful regulators of the nervous system.
Why Helping Others Reduces Anxiety
There are a few reasons this works so well, both psychologically and biologically.
1. It creates a sense of purpose. When you’re supporting someone else, your actions feel meaningful. That sense of purpose can counter feelings of helplessness that often come with anxiety.
2. It activates positive emotional states. Acts of kindness are associated with the release of feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the “helper’s high.” Research suggests that prosocial behavior (helping others) is linked to improved mood and reduced stress (Post, 2005).
3. It broadens your perspective. When you step into someone else’s world, even briefly, it can soften the intensity of your own worries. Not by dismissing them, but by putting them into a wider context.
4. It strengthens the connection. Humans are wired for connection. Feeling useful, needed, or supportive reinforces a sense of belonging, which directly counters anxiety.
What “Helping” Can Look Like
Helping others doesn’t have to mean anything big or overwhelming. In fact, it’s often the small, everyday moments that matter most. It might look like:
Checking in on a friend
Listening without trying to fix anything
Offering encouragement
Volunteering your time
Doing something thoughtful for someone
Even simply being present with someone else can be enough.
A Gentle Balance
Now, an important note, especially if you’re someone who already tends to overextend yourself: Helping others should not come at the expense of your own well-being. This isn’t about:
Ignoring your own needs
Taking on everyone else’s problems
Using helping as a way to avoid your own feelings
Instead, think of it as a both/and. You can care for yourself and show up for others. Healthy helping comes from a place of choice, not obligation.
When Helping Becomes Especially Meaningful
For some people, supporting others who are also struggling with anxiety can feel particularly powerful. It might sound like:
“I’ve been there too.”
“You’re not alone in this.”
There’s something deeply validating about shared experience. And interestingly, offering reassurance or perspective to someone else often helps you internalize those same messages yourself. It’s like reinforcing your own healing in real time.
What the Research Says
There’s a growing body of research supporting the mental health benefits of helping others.
Studies have found that volunteering is associated with lower levels of depression and increased life satisfaction (Jenkinson et al., 2013).
Prosocial behavior has been linked to reduced stress and improved emotional well-being (Post, 2005).
Social connection itself is a key protective factor against anxiety and stress-related disorders (American Psychological Association, 2023).
In short: helping others doesn’t just feel good, it supports your mental health in measurable ways.
Simple Ways to Start
If you’re feeling stuck in anxiety, here are a few gentle ways to shift outward:
Send a message. Reach out to someone just to check in.
Offer your presence. Listen to someone without multitasking or trying to fix things.
Do one small act of kindness. Something simple, like holding the door, writing a note, or offering support.
Get involved in something bigger (if it feels right). Volunteering, community groups, or causes you care about.
Start small. It counts.
A Final Thought
Anxiety often tells you to turn inward, to figure everything out on your own, to stay in your head until you feel better.
But healing doesn’t always happen in isolation. Sometimes, it happens in connection. In shared moments. In showing up for someone else, and realizing you’re not as alone as your anxiety might make you feel. Helping others won’t eliminate anxiety. But it can soften it. Ground it. And remind you of something important: You’re not just someone who struggles, you’re also someone who can support, connect, and make a difference. And that matters more than you might think.
Anxiety Management is explored in depth in our upcoming book, Rewiring Anxiety: How to Train Your Nervous System for Calm. Click here to learn more and to be notified when it launches.
References & Resources
Post, S. G. (2005). Altruism, happiness, and health: It’s good to be good. International Journal of Behavioral Medicine
Jenkinson, C. E., Dickens, A. P., Jones, K., et al. (2013). Is volunteering a public health intervention? BMC Public Health
American Psychological Association. (2023). Stress in America Survey
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): Anxiety Disorders Overview