Parenting: Teaching Empathy & Compassion

Perspective taking is the vital precursor to both empathy and compassion. It is a skill your child needs in order to be successful in life and to build meaningful, authentic connections. To build and refine this skill, encourage your child to practice the "brave start" of putting themselves in someone else's shoes. Asking curious questions such as, "What do you think she is thinking right now?" or "Why do you think this is so important to him?" will get your child thinking from a different perspective. If your child struggles with this, and most will at first, offer some alternatives for them to consider. This skill can be practiced in any situation, and books are wonderful opportunities for teaching perspective taking!

Identifying Emotions: The Foundation of Connection

One barrier kids (and some adults) face in regard to empathy involves having difficulty identifying their own emotions. We cannot connect with someone else’s pain or joy if we don't have a name for our own. Teaching kids to recognize and identify their own feelings aids them in understanding others' emotions. When you notice your child is upset, ask them to explain why and then help them identify their feelings.

There are a number of "feeling charts" that can be used to help children (and adults) identify their emotions. Combine teaching empathy with perspective taking and have your kids try to identify others' feelings in different situations.

The Power of Modeling: Compassion in Action

One of the easiest ways to nurture empathy and compassion is through modeling. The more your kids observe you engaging compassionately with the world, the more natural this behavior will become for them. However, not all kids learn solely from modeling; sometimes we need to rumble with the "why" behind our actions. Talking through your own perspective taking and empathy process can be a big help.

For example, imagine you live next to an elderly neighbor and mother nature dropped a few inches of snow overnight. You might say something like:   

• "I know Betty can’t shovel her own driveway (perspective taking). She must feel worried about getting to her doctor’s appointment this afternoon (empathy). I’m going to shovel her driveway this morning so she doesn’t have to worry about it (compassion). Want to help?"   

Small Steps Toward a Kinder World

Teaching children to appreciate others' perspectives, consider others' feelings, and engage in helpful behaviors takes very little time and can be accomplished throughout your normal daily activities. These skills help children grow into thoughtful, kind, and resilient adults. The world can always use more of those!

by Trish Carter, LIMHP, LCPC, BCN